Deep Thoughts

I just got some candy from the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Idea basket (constantly filled with delicious name-brand candy) at the front desk at work because I am stress eating, and after I sat back down at my desk and ate it, I thought,

That wasn't the candy that I wanted. (What was the candy that I wanted?) Well that candy didn't fulfill me as a human being.

...

Oh, wait.


Then my eyes rolled so hard they got stuck somewhere up by my hairline.

The party went well.

By the way, I was planning a surprise party for my mother. But she reads this blog sometimes. And it stressed me out to no end--I really do need to keep working on managing stress better--but it went well. Everyone who said anything to me about it (and that seemed like a good number of people) was very complimentary. And they said I looked very festive. There were a lot of compliments on that outfit, but a lot of weird looks and such too. Whatever. My mood had been hellish not too long before and I needed colors and craziness. I don't know if there are any pictures. Sara might have some.

I'm still recovering. I'm not as wrecked as I thought I would be, but I have been really dragging. A woman I work for gave me some really nice vitamins (a week's worth!) this morning though, and I think that the ones I have taken are helping (!), so that's nice.


Tonight: Breaking Dawn with the high school crew. I don't even care what you think.

Conflicting visions

I'm not feeling particularly great at the moment, and not very enthusiastic, but I started to type that today wasn't great and I immediately felt worse about the day. So I'm not doing that. And it wasn't all bad. I had a lovely shower. Mom and Chloe and I went to lunch with some friends, and laughed a lot on the way home, and in the late afternoon I talked to Lindsey (friend and mother of my godson Ian) for a while. All good. I'm just running out of steam when it comes to getting this party to happen. My approach to these things is to put forth as little effort as possible--not because I don't care, but because for me entertaining is about spending time with people, not about wearing myself out in an effort to make every detail perfect. My mom and sister would also agree that the quality time is what matters, but they're a little (a lot) more focused on presentation than I am. Probably there's a happy medium, but we haven't found it yet. So I am trying not to be bitter right now, and I am trying to talk myself into washing a whole lot of teacups and their accoutrements for tomorrow. I am reasonably certain that my absolutely horrible attitude today has a lot to do with the fact that I have been staying up too late to get a good night's sleep every single night lately. I stay up until three am and then try to blame other people for waking me up "early." It's ridiculous.

Bad-attitude me totally sucks.