Mom- And Dad-Guilt

Another saved comment: 

I think it depends on each individual's personality some, but it's probably worst for whomever perceives his or herself as the primary caregiver. Men are less likely to see themselves this way, and women more likely, regardless of parenting arrangements, because of deeply ingrained societal norms (and maybe "traditional"  biological roles, too? idk.) I don't feel a lot of guilt, but I do feel a lot of rage at the fact that I can't spend much time with my son (26 mo) because thanks to the way our society is set up on the US, I have to work a relatively high paying (based on my qualifications) full time job in order for us to afford childcare. Working part time, or any of the lower paying, more flexible FT jobs I might be able to find with my skill set, isn't really an option at the moment. he's growing so fast and I feel like I'm missing it. My husband loves him to bits and is an involved father, but doesn't seem to feel this as much.

On "The Friend Zone"

 This doesn't really relate to my life at all, but I wrote it in a comment on a post that came across my news feed, and then I realized that I write a lot of comments about things that I feel rather strongly about and then they just disappear and I never see them again. So I'm saving this one here. The post said "men talk about the friend zone a lot but something that doesn't get talked about is the pain you feel as a woman when you realize you didn't have a friend... you had a man pretending to care for you so he could sleep with you."

I said, Maybe this is an unpopular opinion, and I'm not claiming to be an expert, but I feel like the "friend zone" is a direct result of toxic masculinity--not in that men are "pretending to care so they can fuck" but in that many men raised in this culture literally do not understand how to have emotionally close relationships that do not involve sex, or even that such relationships exist. I'm sure there are plenty of exceptions, but I suspect that many of these men are not "pretending to care" --they DO care--but they think that anyone they feel that close to must automatically be a romantic partner. This causes socialization and mental health problems in their own lives, because many, many men do not have any emotionally close relationships at all, or none outside of their romantic partner. It's a much bigger problem than just "the friend zone," although obviously the friend zone is a big problem all on its own."