The party went well.

By the way, I was planning a surprise party for my mother. But she reads this blog sometimes. And it stressed me out to no end--I really do need to keep working on managing stress better--but it went well. Everyone who said anything to me about it (and that seemed like a good number of people) was very complimentary. And they said I looked very festive. There were a lot of compliments on that outfit, but a lot of weird looks and such too. Whatever. My mood had been hellish not too long before and I needed colors and craziness. I don't know if there are any pictures. Sara might have some.

I'm still recovering. I'm not as wrecked as I thought I would be, but I have been really dragging. A woman I work for gave me some really nice vitamins (a week's worth!) this morning though, and I think that the ones I have taken are helping (!), so that's nice.


Tonight: Breaking Dawn with the high school crew. I don't even care what you think.

Family

I complained (in an extremely restrained fashion, believe me) yesterday about the preparations for today's party. Perhaps you remember, or will read it in a second, or not, whatever. But I'd like to say that it went off without a hitch, and I love my family. The party was at 4, so people started arriving at 3:30. My cousin walked our dog for us. His parents brought an assortment of crackers with homemade dips. The next aunt and uncle that came walked in with gifts for the bride and groom to be, a box of rooibos tea (we'd run out) and a hot pot/electric kettle, and set to work helping us put together the sweet potato rounds with smoked turkey salad. More people came in with more food and more hot pots and started making teas, putting together snacks, heating water, helping my dad pick out a bow tie, hugging everyone and talking and being altogether lovely. Later on my mother played the recording that Brian had made of us (mom, me, Chloe) singing--had I mentioned that we did that? As a belated Mother's Day present for my mom--and everyone was so complimentary, even though I felt like it needed a lot of work. One of my uncles got teary. And Ginny asked Chloe and me to sing in her wedding! Chloe hadn't made firm plans to be in town that weekend, as this is all very short notice and she'll be coming down from Ct basically just for the day, but that decided it. Ginny said she'd send the song to us tonight. I feel so honored, and so nervous, and so hopeful that it will go well. I haven't sung for a real audience in a very long time, and I definitely struggle with stage fright. But hopefully, with enough practice and enough self pep talks, everything be great.

I was also really glad to have a chunk of time to spend with my cousin Sara. We made a movie-watching date. I am looking forward to it. Outside of parties, we haven't gotten together in ages.

Lastly, as the icing on the cake, as it were, my mother kept telling people how helpful I was in the preparations for this party. I really had not been under the impression that I did much--not because she said I didn't, but because, I suppose, I ended up spending so much time just sort of sitting around. Also because I felt like cooking was the main work of the thing, and I didn't do any. I did rearrange the living room though, and move various pieces of furniture downstairs, and do a lot of the work on the bathroom, and evidently that counted for a lot. It felt wonderful to receive so much gratitude, even if I didn't feel I earned it all.


And singing! At a wedding! I'm a little tempted to upload some of what we recorded at Holly and Brian's, but unfortunately it's all one track. And some of it (namely, our attempt at "Hard Times") is seriously rough.


In case you don't know the song, here is a much better version of it than ours:

Conflicting visions

I'm not feeling particularly great at the moment, and not very enthusiastic, but I started to type that today wasn't great and I immediately felt worse about the day. So I'm not doing that. And it wasn't all bad. I had a lovely shower. Mom and Chloe and I went to lunch with some friends, and laughed a lot on the way home, and in the late afternoon I talked to Lindsey (friend and mother of my godson Ian) for a while. All good. I'm just running out of steam when it comes to getting this party to happen. My approach to these things is to put forth as little effort as possible--not because I don't care, but because for me entertaining is about spending time with people, not about wearing myself out in an effort to make every detail perfect. My mom and sister would also agree that the quality time is what matters, but they're a little (a lot) more focused on presentation than I am. Probably there's a happy medium, but we haven't found it yet. So I am trying not to be bitter right now, and I am trying to talk myself into washing a whole lot of teacups and their accoutrements for tomorrow. I am reasonably certain that my absolutely horrible attitude today has a lot to do with the fact that I have been staying up too late to get a good night's sleep every single night lately. I stay up until three am and then try to blame other people for waking me up "early." It's ridiculous.

Bad-attitude me totally sucks.