Conflicting visions

I'm not feeling particularly great at the moment, and not very enthusiastic, but I started to type that today wasn't great and I immediately felt worse about the day. So I'm not doing that. And it wasn't all bad. I had a lovely shower. Mom and Chloe and I went to lunch with some friends, and laughed a lot on the way home, and in the late afternoon I talked to Lindsey (friend and mother of my godson Ian) for a while. All good. I'm just running out of steam when it comes to getting this party to happen. My approach to these things is to put forth as little effort as possible--not because I don't care, but because for me entertaining is about spending time with people, not about wearing myself out in an effort to make every detail perfect. My mom and sister would also agree that the quality time is what matters, but they're a little (a lot) more focused on presentation than I am. Probably there's a happy medium, but we haven't found it yet. So I am trying not to be bitter right now, and I am trying to talk myself into washing a whole lot of teacups and their accoutrements for tomorrow. I am reasonably certain that my absolutely horrible attitude today has a lot to do with the fact that I have been staying up too late to get a good night's sleep every single night lately. I stay up until three am and then try to blame other people for waking me up "early." It's ridiculous.

Bad-attitude me totally sucks.