Obviously I was never an advocate for suicide, but as someone who's considered it in the past, I've always sort of defended the idea, a little bit. I can understand the constant rollercoaster of emotion, dipping down further, longer, steeper than it climbs up. I can understand the feeling that life just isn't worth it. I can understand feeling as though you're less than nothing--feeling like a negative space, a waste of resources, a drain on everyone around you.

But when Chris killed himself yesterday, it wasn't about that, at least as far as I know. All I know is that our hearts are smashed and running all over the floor.


What about your life, Chris? What about your little brothers? What about your mom and dad? What about us? What are we supposed to do now? I keep hoping it's some kind of sick joke. I keep waiting to wake up, or for someone to tell me it didn't really happen. I just can't believe that it's true. How can it be true?