Today (as I often have been lately) I was profoundly unhappy for the first half of the day. As usual, I woke up angry and upset, forced myself to eat breakfast, forced myself to get out of the car and go into work, forced myself to set up the cases instead of curling up on the floor and crying. I was really looking forward to coming home and climbing into bed at 2:00 in the afternoon, and I was extremely irritated when the rain stopped. I was even more irritated when my dad asked me to take him to the doctor after he finished school, but what can you do?
It actually turned out to be a good thing. He'd asked me to pick him up at 2:35, and because I get off work on Mondays at 1:30, I didn't go home. I decided to just go kick around the school for a while until he was done. Shortly after I pulled into the parking lot though, he called and asked if I could come at 3 instead. Good times. So I went and talked to some of my favorite teachers and staff, which was nice. He ended up not being finished until almost 4, and then we went to Bon Secours. His appointment was at 4. We pulled in at 4:05. We waited until 5, and then I waited for him until 6. Got home at 7, almost on the nose. While I was waiting I read WebMD magazine (evidently they have a magazine), which had some interesting articles, including one on green housekeeping and another on Cesar Millan, with whom I am in love.
On the way home my Dad and I talked about my tendency to sabotage relationships, which is a pattern I've recently begun to notice. In the past I've written off individual incidents for one reason or another, rationalizing reasons that I didn't want to talk to this or that person. I'm coming to realize though that I have some deep-seated fear of and/or aversion to any real kind of intimacy. I will suddenly completely lose any interest in talking to or seeing people that I genuinely like as soon as they show any real interest in becoming friends with me--especially if they want to be friends in person. I am far less afraid of online or long-distance friendships. So now I'm trying to figure this out.
In other news, we're going to have universal healthcare. I am a politically completely irresponsible cretin, and if not for facebook I would not know of the passing of this bill. I still don't know the details of it. Anyway, thoughts?