Tuesday, March 2, 2010


I haven't felt like writing lately (obviously), but I've been doing alright for the most part. Feeling fairly distant with regards to most of my relationships, but I've been hanging out with Kelly a fair amount, and that's nice. Still trying to finish this calendar. I've started two poems in the past two days (after none for quite some time), but I don't think either is finished. Finishing anything doesn't seem to be my forte lately. I've also been looking for houses/townhouses/apartments to rent, though I can't afford one on my own, and Kelly (my most probable roommate) isn't really looking for more work until after the summer. I wouldn't want to either, in her shoes. Jr's still working on getting on his feet and getting more hours. Who knows. We'll see. It's bleary, dreary, raining outside. I think I'll take a nap.


  1. That's cool, where are you looking? We're going to be staying with my parents over the summer until we're off to school in the fall.

  2. I'm looking wherever in Richmond, but I almost certainly wouldn't be moving until sometime in the fall, unfortunately. This summer I guess I'll be working at T seafood and going to Camp on weekends, and Arkansas in August.

  3. Blech. That's awful that you can't go to camp full time. Does David know what he's doing yet?

  4. I know. I mean I suppose it's always (technically speaking) an option for me to quit my job and just go, but I keep trying to convince myself that that's a really bad idea. And no, he doesn't really know. He doesn't want to take the cats to camp, but he also doesn't want to ask anyone to take care of them. Let me tell you, it's not frustrating at all.

  5. He might skip camp because he doesn't have a place for the cats? >< Ugh. The good thing about skipping t seafood to go to camp would be that at camp you don't have living expenses so while you wouldn't be making as much money, at least it wouldn't be (directly) costing you anything... and maybe you could arrange something with him so you could just take those months off then come back after? Then you really wouldn't lose much. I mean, still sucks a ton in any case.. ::sigh::

  6. Yeah, sometimes I think he's kind of an idiot. I'm not all that positive about us lately.

    I've actually had the same idea about t seafood vs. camp, but I'm not sure how to present it in such a way that there will be any chance of him saying "yes," even if it makes sense for both of us. I don't really have living expenses either way, since I'm w/ my parents at the moment, but I WOULD spend a lot less on gas if I were at camp. a lot less.

  7. If you want help coming up with a "script" or ideas of how to present it let me know. I've realized lately that I'm a bit too passive-aggressive when it comes to stating what I want in certain situations (shocker), so I've been working on being more up front about not only what I want and my expectations of what's going on... and it's worked really well.

    For example: I turned down the lawfirm job *after* fighting really hard to get it, because it was just impossible to do it and finish the project here AND go to Scotland for grad school in the fall. I sent a really polite but very direct email and she responded super positively and actually congratulated me on what's going on... I didn't deserve it, but it felt nice.

    In any case, *hopefully* he'll see reason and it'll work out! I mean, if you just tell him you're going to go there's not much he can do to stop you... and if he just hires summer help, they'll be gone at the same time you'd be ready to go back. Hmm...

  8. maybe I need to be praying about it. I've been really about about that sort of thing lately. about almost any and every sort of communication.

    I thought you might've turned down the lawfirm since I didn't hear anything else. so you'll be around...when? I have been passive-aggressive toward you lately, by the way. To be up-front... it makes me angry when you don't call and you don't return my calls and we don't talk except for the occasional fb message. It feels a lot like you don't care whether we're friends. It's hard for me to say that.

    a script would be nice. I could use a lot of scripts. but I have a hard time talking to brian because I don't feel like he respects me (that doesn't mean that I'm right, of course), and he's very abrasive and brusque, and sometimes (intentionally or not) he makes me feel very small.
    Anyway, no, he couldn't stop me from leaving, but there would be nothing to make him take me back at the end of the summer.

  9. Brian and I will be back the third week in May (or so). We have to be back by the last weekend for Drew's wedding, then Susie's of course next weekend.

    Haha, you don't have to tell me you've been passive-aggressive to me lately and I know I haven't really been helping, either. I know it's frustrating not to be able to get me on the phone, but really, I hate talking on the phone unless I'm in the car. I feel like I'm being loud and rude, and I don't realize I'm annoying people until I've really gotten on their nerves. On the other hand though, I *always* have access to my computer or at least email/facebook, so I never feel like I'm out of touch or particularly hard to get a hold of... I know it's not the same as a phone call, but still.

    I definitely do care a lot that we're friends. I just feel like in general we haven't been communicating well lately on really any level.

    /begin rant

    Also, and on a relatively unrelated note, part of the reason I think it's been harder is that since Brian and I moved out to CA, we've gotten a ton of snarky remarks from people about how we're abandoning them in RVA etc. IT SUCKS hearing that. Period. Moving to CA is what worked at the time. We needed to do it, we wanted to do it and that was our choice. That being said, it wasn't an easy one so getting needled about it just makes me super defensive. That is also now being applied to grad school this fall (hopefully). I mean, I think I finally found the exact program that teaches me *what I want to do* with my life. That should be an awesome, happy, excited thing, not a "you're leaving me" thing.

    It's way worse that we have no intention of staying away from rva forever or anything like that. We'd like to be there now and next year if we could, but the economy is shit, we can't find jobs in the fields we're interested in, and graduate school seems like the absolute best use of our time. Better than us working part time here and there on these projects like the one we're on now... Or not being able to find something afterwards.

    /end rant

    Ugh sorry, and it's a fairly large number of people that have expressed sentiments similar to those ><

    Well, as to whether he respects your or not I have no idea, but my guess is he just doesn't communicate very well. I've definitely gotten that impression of him over the time I've known him and my Dad's worked with him. Not that he's not a jerk, but I think he might just have pretty low social awareness in some respects. I think there are a ton of reasons he'd want you back though... You're reliable, know what's going on there, you do your job well etc. He wouldn't have to find someone to replace you when you got back and he wouldn't have to train someone new for the fall/winter. I guess it does depend on a lot of things though so... =/. In any case it might be worth asking/bring up anyway. If he says no, you can just not do camp (as awful as that is), or you could try to find something different in the fall.

    I mean, what are your plans (not for the immediate future, but in general)? Do you want to go to grad school? What do you want to find a job doing? Stuff like that. Because if you were to work at camp over the summer, you could also use the time between now and then to set up something else for the fall... but of course that depends on what you want to do. The fall would probably be a really time to get started if you wanted to do anything in the school systems too.

    Oh! I had an idea. Could you propose working part time at t seafood during camp? I mean, it would suck to go back to rva during a bunch of breaks and stuff, but if you tell him the next few months are going to be super busy and you have to do this other thing too... Maybe he'd let you just work very part time or something.