Friday, January 15, 2010

I don't feel like writing at the moment

About everything going on in the past 24 or so hours, anyway. But they've been good, for the most part! Just posting because I remembered that it's Friday and I am trying to un-abandon the Friday poems thing. So here's a rough first draft of a poem which I have no idea what to name. That felt grammatically incorrect, but you know what I mean. Comments? Or not?

silver sunlight spills
through windowpanes and across
the worn wood floor.
classical piano wafts through
empty rooms of the quiet house
down the hallway and under the just-cracked door
to caress the bright, dancing dreams
of the new mind
sleeping within.

1 comment:

  1. 1) i feel like you should capitalize
    2) i've never thought of sunlight as silver, especially in conjunction with the wood etc. golden sunlight is pretty cliche though so idk
    3) new mind makes me think of a baby or newborn, which makes me wonder about the empty rooms. (as in, why is a baby all alone in the house etc - but i think i'm missing the point)
    4) all that being said, i like it, it has a nice peaceful tone etc.

    <3 s