I miss that boy.
Work today was decent. Jr stopped by on his way to an interview nearby--I hope he gets the job. He came by again when I got off work and came over for a little while. Kelly was still at my house cleaning up, so we all hung out for a bit. Ate some ramen. I was so tired (though not as tired as Kelly, who hasn't been able to sleep more than a few hours a night lately) that I eventually just went and took a nap while they were downstairs. They finished up and said goodbye and went home. I hope Kelly can get some sleep tonight.
No one in my family was home until 7 or 7:30, so I napped a while, checked email and did sit-ups in the living room, then went and put together a bed frame that's been sitting in Jack's old room for a week or so now. We don't have a mattress to put on it yet, but still, pretty cool.
Dinner was chili/split pea soup (mixed leftovers and surprisingly good) over steamed kale. Delicious. We finished eating around 9:50, which I found pretty funny.
Clearly I don't have much to say--just wanted to write something I guess. I'm still working at maintaining a positive attitude/outlook, which is easier some moments than others. It's still hard for me to handle having a job where I don't feel like I'm doing anything that matters. Or at least, that's what I'm telling myself. Maybe it's just hard for me to handle having a job that I have to shape my life around. I've never been very enthusiastic about time commitments. Lately I've woken up angry or annoyed every day, which stinks, obviously. It's just a hurdle to jump, first thing in the morning. It helps a little though when I know that David's up too, and I can text him good morning. Part of me wishes (the completely insane part?) that I were back at R-MA in the mornings, dragging myself out of bed, hugging David, waking the kids up, going to breakfast, turning in the dorm report, going back to sleep. I mean, I definitely miss the going back to sleep part, but it's just weird for me to be missing the dorm all of the sudden. Didn't I hate it? Wasn't I miserable? I guess there were a lot of moments that I wasn't; but the unhappiness stood out so strongly that it was all I saw, and still all I could see until just a few days ago. Now I'm remembering the sweet moments--moments with David, time spent cleaning my apartment, the laughter and silliness of children, the kind faces I saw every morning in the cafeteria. Even just the general peace or satisfaction or whatever it is that I feel when I can work with or be around children. I hadn't thought that it was present there, but now that I'm gone and missing it I see that it was. I miss being around kids so much that I'm nearly tearing up just writing it.
David: move here. (June: hurry up and arrive so David can move here!)
*Edit: do my sentences seem incredibly choppy to anyone else, or is it just me? Reading back over what I just wrote feels like trying to drive home in 5:00 traffic, but when I went back to fix it I didn't see much that I can do. Is this because I'm tired or something? (Humor me and say yes.)