Monday, April 19, 2010

Leaving those beautiful babies is really hard.

To elaborate, obviously they're lovely, but mainly I keep thinking of how they'll be so much bigger next time I see them, and how they'll have learned so many things. They'll be walking, for one. They'll probably be talking. Will they recognize me? Will I see in them the babies that I grew to love over the past few days? How will their personalities have changed, and how will they have remained the same? How am I going to find a way to be a real presence in their lives? In Ian's life? What if he stops liking me? How does one be a godparent? What and how should I try to teach him? Reach him? What if Lindsey and I have different ideas of what he needs to know? How will I fit into her family and group of friends? After Sunday, a part of who I am has changed, irrevocably, forever. I guess it seems like I'm making a much bigger deal of this whole thing than I need to, but then, that's part of what I'm wondering. How big a deal is it? I suppose I'm using both Lorraine (Chloe's godmother) and my own godmother Susan as examples, and those are some big shoes to fill.

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